How Do I Maintain Recovery While Living With Someone Who Still Drinks or Uses?

Recovery from substance use disorder is a deeply personal and often complex journey. The process becomes significantly more complicated when one shares a home with someone who continues to drink or use drugs.

Whether it’s a partner, roommate, or family member, cohabiting with someone who hasn’t chosen sobriety can test one’s resolve and undermine progress if not carefully managed. The good news? Maintaining recovery in such a situation is not only possible but increasingly common—and there are strategies and supports that can make a real difference.

The Challenge: Recovery in a Non-Sober Environment

Living with someone who still uses substances while you’re in recovery is a high-risk situation. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), approximately 22.5 million people in the U.S. are in recovery from a substance use disorder. Among them, a substantial portion report that their home environment includes active users—a risk factor for relapse.

A 2022 study found that individuals in early recovery who lived with someone using substances were 45% more likely to relapse within the first year compared to those in sober environments.

This isn’t just a matter of exposure; it’s about emotional triggers, disrupted routines, and blurred boundaries. Every interaction can become a test of willpower and emotional resilience.

Strategy #1: Establish Clear and Non-Negotiable Boundaries

The first, and arguably most critical, step is setting clear boundaries around substance use in shared spaces. These boundaries should be respectful but firm.

Here are some examples:

• “I need our shared spaces (kitchen, living room, bathroom) to be substance-free.”
• “If you’re drinking, please do it outside the house or in your room only.”
• “I cannot be around paraphernalia or see you using.”
  

It’s not about controlling the other person—it’s about protecting your recovery. Be clear, calm, and consistent. Ideally, these boundaries are discussed before living together, but it’s never too late to initiate the conversation.

Strategy #2: Create a Personalized Sober Sanctuary

Your environment matters. Designating at least one room—ideally your bedroom—as a completely sober zone is crucial. This space should be free from any triggers or reminders of substance use.

Include:

• Items that support sobriety: recovery literature, journals, meditation tools
• Visual reminders of your “why”: family photos, letters to your future self, meaningful quotes
• A physical barrier, such as a lock or even a sound machine, can enhance privacy and peace
  

Make this room your recharge zone. When the rest of the house feels unstable or triggering, you’ll have a safe place to retreat to.

Strategy #3: Develop a Robust Support System

No one maintains recovery in isolation. Living with an active user makes external support non-negotiable. This includes:

• Regular therapy sessions, ideally with a counselor trained in addiction recovery
• Peer support groups, such as AA, NA, or SMART Recovery
• Sober communities, both online and offline
  

Consider virtual options, especially if you’re trying to avoid public spaces or can’t leave the house often. Many recovery programs now offer Zoom meetings, 24/7 chat rooms, and on-demand support apps.

Research shows that people who regularly attend peer support groups are 50% more likely to remain abstinent over time.

Strategy #4: Build a Daily Recovery Routine

Consistency can be your anchor in an unpredictable environment. A solid daily routine supports mental and emotional stability, especially when the external environment is challenging.

Components might include:

• Morning meditation or journaling
• Scheduled meals and hydration
• Exercise (even 15–20 minutes of walking)
• Evening reflection or check-ins with a support partner

Recovery isn’t just about abstinence; it’s about rebuilding a healthy, balanced life. Structure reinforces stability, which reinforces sobriety.

Strategy #5: Learn and Practice Trigger Management

Exposure to substances in your home will likely bring up old urges or intrusive thoughts. Managing these triggers proactively is key.

Helpful techniques include:

• Urge surfing: A mindfulness practice where you acknowledge the craving but don’t act on it, letting it rise and fall like a wave
• Grounding exercises: Using your five senses to stay present and connected to your body
• Cognitive reframing: Challenging and replacing thoughts like “I can’t take this” with “This feeling will pass. I have handled worse.”

A therapist trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help you refine these skills over time.

Strategy #6: Address Codependency and Enabling Dynamics

Living with someone who continues to use may expose or intensify patterns of codependency or enabling. It’s common to fall into caretaker roles or walk on eggshells to keep the peace. However, these behaviors can undermine your own recovery.

Ask yourself:

• Am I taking responsibility for their choices or emotions?
• Do I avoid conflict to keep them from using?
• Am I sacrificing my own needs or boundaries to avoid tension?
  

If the answer is yes, it’s time to seek therapeutic support. Groups like Al-Anon or CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) offer tools for breaking these cycles and reclaiming your emotional space.

Strategy #7: Make a Contingency Plan for Relapse Risks

Even with the best intentions and strategies, things can go sideways. It’s crucial to have a plan if the situation becomes unsafe or your recovery is in jeopardy.

Your plan should include:

• Who to call (sponsor, therapist, crisis line)
• Where you can go temporarily (friend’s home, hotel, recovery house)
• What steps you’ll take to re-ground yourself (meditation, emergency meeting, journaling)

This isn’t pessimism—it’s preparation. Think of it as your emotional fire escape.

Strategy #8: Know When It’s Time to Leave

Sometimes, despite all efforts, living with an active user becomes incompatible with sustained recovery. If your mental health is deteriorating, your boundaries are constantly being crossed, or you’re on the verge of relapse, it may be time to reevaluate your living situation.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, relapse rates for substance use disorders are between 40% and 60%, and one of the leading causes is environmental stress. If your home is a constant source of triggers, it’s worth exploring transitional housing, sober living arrangements, or other alternatives.

Final Thoughts: Recovery is Yours—Protect It

Living with someone who drinks or uses while you’re in recovery is undeniably challenging. But it’s also a powerful opportunity to strengthen your boundaries, deepen your self-awareness, and build resilience. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress: one choice, one boundary, one day at a time.

Recovery is yours. You don’t need permission to protect it. If you or someone you love needs treatment or recovery support, you are not alone. Find the treatment, resources, and recovery programs you need to support your journey at First Step Behavioral Health. Contact our intake team to learn about our programs or to schedule your first appointment.

FAQ: Living in Recovery With Someone Who Still Drinks or Uses

1. Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who still uses while I’m in recovery?

Yes, but it depends on the dynamics of the relationship and the level of mutual respect that exists between the parties. A healthy relationship requires consistent communication, clear boundaries, and shared responsibility. If the person using substances dismisses or undermines your recovery, it may be unhealthy. Couples or family therapy can help navigate these complexities.

2. How can I explain my recovery needs without sounding controlling or judgmental?

Use “I” statements that center your experience, not their behavior. For example: “I’ve found that I need a sober space to protect my mental health,” instead of “You can’t drink around me.” Focus on what you need to stay well, rather than trying to change them.

3. What should I do if my housemate’s use becomes dangerous or unpredictable?

If their behavior escalates into aggression, property damage, or unsafe conditions, prioritize your safety. Document incidents, if appropriate, and contact support services or law enforcement if necessary. In some cases, you may need to involve a landlord or seek legal advice, especially if you’re a co-tenant.

4 . What if I start feeling resentful or emotionally burnt out living with someone who still uses?

Emotional exhaustion is a real risk. When resentment builds, it’s a sign you may be overextending your emotional labor. Make time for solo self-care, lean on outside support, and consider whether continuing to live together aligns with your long-term well-being.

6. How do I protect my recovery from subtle triggers, like alcohol in the fridge or friends visiting who use?

Communicate proactively about shared expectations for guests and substance storage. Use visual reminders, routines, and mental grounding techniques to stay anchored. Consider using visual cues, such as stickers, notes, or a sobriety calendar, in your space to reinforce your own intentions.

Sources:

• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), 2023
• “Social Support and Recovery Outcomes,” Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment, Vol 125, 2021.
• “Living With Substance Users and Relapse Risk,” Addiction, Vol 117, 2022.